Time to get rid of the small talk.
By Marcel SchwantesFounder and Chief Human Officer, Leadership From the Core@MarcelSchwantes
Tired of showing up to those networking events or cocktail parties because your brain has already decided it’s going to be a drag being asked the same dumb questions and exchanging fake smiles?
To reinvent your networking routine so that others are attracted to you like flies to a sticky trap, stop showing up with the expectation of getting something from them. Here are three key actions of the best conversationalists that will immediately draw others to you.
1. Be intensely curious.
As you meet someone new, it’s crucial to find something interesting about the other person, perhaps a fascinating fact or idea that you can follow up on with interesting questions of your own. This means activating the genuine curiosity within you.
Several studies suggest that curious people have better relationships, connect better, and enjoy socializing more. In fact, other people are more easily attracted and feel socially closer to individuals that display curiosity.
George Mason University psychologist Todd Kashdan, author of Curious?, states in Greater Good that “being interested is more important in cultivating a relationship and maintaining a relationship than being interesting; that’s what gets the dialogue going. It’s the secret juice of relationships.”
2. Be a good listener.
Making a good impression is key to kick-start a conversation that works to your advantage, but beware of dominating the conversation early on.
Since people love to talk about themselves, be the one who lets the other person talk first. Why? Talking about ourselves triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money.
Harvard University neuroscientists found the reason: It feels so rewarding to the brain when people self-disclose in a conversation that they can’t help sharing their thoughts.
So, by saying little, listening intently, and allowing the other person to have his glory, you will make an excellent impression because people who are liked the most, ironically enough, are the ones who often say the least.
This is just a small sample of another great article that can be continued and the Inc. site
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- What’s your story?
- What absolutely excites you right now?
- What’s the most important thing I should know about you?
- What human emotion do you fear the most?
- If you could do anything you wanted tonight (anywhere, for any amount of money), what would you do and why?
- If you could know the absolute and total truth to one question, what question would you ask?
- When’s the last time you failed spectacularly at something?
- What do you value more, intelligence or common sense?
- What is the greatest lesson you have learned from one of your enemies?
- If you did not sleep, how would you spend the extra eight hours a day?
- If you had to pick the character from any book, movie, or TV show who is most similar to you, whom would you choose? Why?
- How different is your job today from what you wanted to do as a kid?
Lastly, whatever you do, avoid at all cost controversial or sensitive questions related to topics like politics, physical appearance or age, religion, and generally anything rated R.